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“The Kindergarchy”
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Here’s one for a future collection of great essays. It’s from Joseph Epstein, and the title: “The Kindergarchy.” Epstein is writing about how children came to rule the world: “Children have gone from background to foreground figures in domestic life, with more and more attention centered on them, their upbringing, their small accomplishments, their right relationship with parents and grandparents. For the past 30 years at least, we have been lavishing vast expense and anxiety on our children in ways that are unprecedented in American and in perhaps any other national life.” I’ll just excerpt some rich paragraphs.
On the unusual demands of time made by The Kindergarchy: “The relentless cultural enrichment of children under Kindergarchy is not an option; it will be seen to, whatever the toll in time or money. At a minimum, visits must be made to Disneyland, the Epcot Center, national parks, children’s museums, youth concerts, every new movie designed for the children’s market. Various lessons–ballet, tennis, guitar, more–must be contracted, with mom or dad driving the kids to them and picking them up afterwards. (”Parenting,” that dreary neologism, has given the old role of parent the status of a job, and no part-time one, either.) Each child must have a vast arsenal of toys, with emphasis currently on the wireless. The appropriate CDs and DVDs need to be acquired, and books, lots and lots of books. “Mackenzie has read Harry Potter, all seven books, three times.” How nice for Mackenzie! “Gideon adores books about mythology, and, did I tell you, he’s learning French?” Merveilleux! A parent can report nothing more satisfying than that her child is an eager reader, years and years ahead of himself, and, though only nine, already reading at the postdoctoral level of comprehension.”
On the naming of The Kindergarchy: “The names Mackenzie and Gideon are a reminder of how important the naming of children has become under the Kindergarchy. No more Edward, Robert, David, when you can have Luc, Guthrie, and Colby; no more Jane, Barbara, Lois, when Lindsay, Courtney, and Kelsey are available. Sometimes, in the naming of children, there is a dip back to the deliberately out-of-date–Jake and Max, Emily and Becky–but such names are tainted by an historical falsity, in the same way that Balanchine said that every beard grown after those worn by men in his father’s generation was a fake.”
On the need of schooling by The Kindergarchy: “Under Kindergarchy, no effort on behalf of one’s children’s schooling is too extensive, no expense too great, no sacrifice in time and energy on the part of parents too exacting. In a scandal of a few years ago, a New York stock-market analyst named Jack Grubman arranged some complicated stock shenanigans to get to a member of the board of the coveted 92nd Street Y Nursery School in Manhattan, whom he hoped would smooth the way for his twin children to get into this school, which he felt would in turn pave the way into the better New York private elementary schools and high schools, and thence obviously to the very Valhalla of the Ivy League itself. The Grubman story shows how much parents feel is riding on their kids’ schooling and how far some are willing to go to get what they think is the best for them.”
On the way things were before The Kindergarchy: How did earlier generations of parents seem able to manage raising children while putting in so much less time, avoiding so much Sturm und Drang? People raising children today will tell you that the world is a more frightening place now than it was 50 years ago. Much more crime out there, drugs are easily obtained, sex offenders are everywhere, lots of children turn up missing, as the back of your milk cartons will inform you. The spirit of therapy having triumphed, we now see more clearly than heretofore how fragile the young human personality is, how easily it can be smashed by mistreatment or mismanagement or want of affection. Add to all this that the options for children are much greater today; a child can go in any number of ways in education and in life, and all these need to be thoroughly investigated.”
Thank you, Mr. Epstein.
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Soul searching
I view it as an uhealthy facet of the Western focus on the indvidual.
Prior (and other) cultures focused on the family (and tribe) as a more collective unit. Children were to fit themselves into the greatr units for the mutual benefit of the child and the greater unit.
The radical individualism of the modern West fosters this new imbalance.
Yep, kids can be the cat’s meow or the wag of dogs tail today. They have more rights than illegal alien criminals do today too. As a Parent, if you don’t do way more than your fair share, your kids will have you arrested and if you beat that rap they will sue you in civil court.
It’s better to have the right kind of insurance or at least put them up for adoption. Mother’s killing their children through abortions is just too extreme don’t you think with all the other options to reduce the risk of kids available today
Anybody read the whole essay? I like this guy!!!
Sorry, forgot to take off italics.
I think we Baby Boomers are just more vain than our parents. We want to keep up with the Jones not only in material things, but with our children also.
When I was a kid I left in the morning and didn’t come back until the street lights came on. My parents knew that wherever I was, someone was watching out for me.
But now, the nightly news and PBS documentaries declare church and Little League and apple pie and America itself to be dark evil institutions. Public parks and monkey bars are declared danger zones. Even the game of tag is banned on some play grounds as a potential hazard. Competition is frowned upon.
Everyone, from nice old folks to civic leaders, are potential child molesters. Germs and religious radicals are trying to wipe us all out. So our kids must be in sight at all times and engaged in some safe educational activity like Native American dance or environmental awareness training.
“Help, help, the sky is falling!”
I sure am glad I don’t have any kids under 35.
I read the article. I think he does his own fair-share of broad brushing. Not everything in his generation was healthy, as human nature has always been human nature and there has never since Eden been a utopia. We (I) need to remember this when I lament the state of affairs these days and hearken back to bygone eras. There is NOTHING new under the sun. We might *might* be a bit child-obsessed in the general pop-culture/parenting economy, but, it certainly doesn’t reflect the large number of faithful Christian parents who tell their children daily that they love them and take them to children’s museums, etc., as well as administer spankings, set limits and do not make them the absolute center of the family civilization.
Sounds a bit like a man who rightfully regrets his own lost marriage and childrearing experience and puts on the rose-colored glasses in reflection of safer, nostalgic times of his parents and childhood. Makes sense.
But, I DO agree that child-rights over parent-rights poses a threat to the family and with our youth focus and consumerist bend, we might be more inclined to accept pernicious doctrine.
Let’s also not forget that we used to not be quite so atomistic and individualistic. What once was careful and classical education is now public school drivel. Sure, we drive around a lot more…but…should this be included in an article about current child worship?
By the way, we are teaching our four year old French, and he can read and knows all his planets and major stars, and all the countries of the world and states in the US and memorizes scripture and plays soccer on the Y team. haha.
XION,
Not only did you stay away from home until night fall, if you got in any trouble while you out of their sight, your parents knew how to take out their anger over your stupidity on you.
Baby boomers are woosies and overprotective when it comes to kids.
And the greatest generation who raised the Boomers is to blame, obviously.
Since we are brushing so broadly and condemning whole generations, it is just the rich Boomers, or Boomers with only 2.5 kids, or Boomers who home school who have contributed to a kindergarchy.
The poor, those with large families, single parents do not have the luxury to have child-centered families. So we need a Boomer sub-set.
I don’t see it.
People don’t even think about having children today until they are in their upper 20s. Then, with a two-parent income, the children are in day care - sometimes from the second week. Then off to public school - little financial sacrifice. Also, they have fewer children. This is the norm. People generally spend less time and money on children today. The child-centered hype is just a story they tell themselves.
Earlier generations put in less time? What a crock. Oh, I get it - he doesn’t count the stay-at-home mom’s time! Yeah, I can see how they would feel like they give all their time to their children when their two careers’ demands are ignored. They probably have a family meal once a week. Question - how much time do their children spend alone?
Each child must have a vast arsenal of toys because mommy and daddy feel bad that they don’t spend much time with them and so they buy their affection? Or are they just too wimpy to say no and blame it on the kid?
The Grubman story shows how the author chooses examples that are far, far from the norm.
What I hear is a whining parent who doesn’t have the energy or interest that previous generations did. I hope the rest of the book is better than these quotes.
Adios #10 “or Boomers who home school who have contributed to a kindergarchy.”
Whoa, hold on just a minute. Why do you condemn the home schooler?
Adios (sigh.) this was my point. The author (read the article) has included many excellent things in with many wretched things. Talk about broad-brushing! A parent teaching a child French is lumped in with overspending parents buying the wireless variety for their kids, etc. To bring homeschool in the mix is part of the broad brushing effect I’m talking about. There are plenty of large boomer families on shoe-string budgets who chose to homeschool, as well as wealthy families who do thrust their kids in school and choose to work (both) full-time. Most homeschool families I know are humble and hard working, making the HARDER choice to stay at home with kids. This is a privilege but NOT a luxury…not to make this an argument for homeschooling or one parent staying at home. The decision to homeschool, however, is often one of sacrifice of comfort in order to nail an indictment on the door of public education and increasingly socialist government ideology.
Yep, we’re poor and we’re homeschoolin’.
Oh, another thing, poor who must work and put their kids in public school can still follow up afterward with supplemental lessons and excellent literature/activities geared for homeschooling. Not to overload the systems of kids, but, a parent who cannot homeschool can catechize and/or build a family lesson plan for after-school work, or even weekend instruction to make up for deficits in public ed.
#14, that’s what I always planned to do with kids if I had any–public school (or private if we could afford it), supplemented at home with things like research projects and field trips in each kid’s line of interest.
For instance, when I was a kid (seventh grade) my science teacher assigned us to write a report on our favorite animal. I was excited about the assignment, but then for some reason he cancelled it. (I’d chosen raccoons.) If my parents had assigned a research report about raccoons (knowing already that it was an interest), and had done things to make it fun–a trip to a place where I’d probably see one, an interview with a scientist who studies them, a book about them to help with the report, maybe a roll of film to take pictures to include in my report–it would have thrilled me. Or a chance to talk with collie breeders and write up an illustrated report about caring for a dog with a litter of puppies–I’d have found it fascinating. Other kids like railroads, rockets, minerals, you name it–combine a family vacation with such field trips, and you have kids who love learning. Not all children would enjoy reports, but some would enjoy putting together a taped interview or a video or a poster.
And before anyone says, “You don’t have kids, so shut up about what you’d do if you had kids,” I think that adults should think and plan ahead for future contingencies. If nothing else, it helps when people are dating if both partners have thought about such issues as whether they’d homeschool, spank, let their kids watch network TV…. So I make no apologies that I’ve thought a lot about how I’d rear children.
GDSUFFERN #13 & #14 Thank you. Go home schoolers!
Janedoe and Gdsuffern,
I said up front it was a broad brush. Probably the same one used many homeschoolers who bash public schools;)
We have, btw, with our brood of seven, experienced public, private and home school. They ALL have their pros and cons and every family should decide what is best for their children without thinking their way is best for other people’s children.
The topic is kindergarchy. I included home school where I did because it is a huge problem in our church. There was another church near us that was all home school families and sort of imploded due to legalism. Many of those now attend our church and our children’s and youth ministries have been overwhelmed with how these families demand that we cater to their child’s individual needs (I did not say special). What has emerged as a commonality among them all is how child-centered each family had become.
This from the article sums it up well, “Under Kindergarchy, no effort on behalf of one’s children’s schooling is too extensive, no expense too great, no sacrifice in time and energy on the part of parents too exacting.”
Sure these home schoolers sacrifice for their children, but they want others to as well. And it is all about their children, everyone else’s children are not their problem. Way to teach them how to live in community.
broad brush, specific families, I know some home schoolers thrive without their children’s education ruling their life or being obnoxious to others. We spent Friday with just such a family and it filled our souls.