Odds & Ends

Kill by comparing

Written by Andrée Seu
January 25, 2008

10 Comments

I walked into the wrong assembly hall at a retreat center where I was supposed to speak, and worshipped for half an hour with the wrong group of women before I detected the error.

They were Hispanic New Yorkers and we sang with salsa! I realized my mistake in time to catch the last hymn of the group I belonged to, and the contrast was striking: subdued and solemnly reverent. I caught myself just as I was tempted to compare and contrast one church favorably with the other. I remembered C.S.Lewis’ words about our proclivity to “kill by comparing”:

“Meanwhile, on afternoons and on Sundays, Surrey lay open to me. County Down in the holidays and Surrey in the term — it was an excellent contrast. Perhaps, since their beauties were such that even a fool could not force them into competition, this cured me once and for all of the pernicious tendency to compare and to prefer — an operation that does little good even when we are dealing with works of art and endless harm when we are dealing with nature….(Surprised by Joy).

“The human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define. It wants to make every distinction a distinction of value; hence those fatal critics who can ever point out the differing quality of two poets without putting them in an order of preference as if they were candidates for a prize….” (The Four Loves)

No need to play that game. Just enjoy.

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10 Comments to “Kill by comparing”

1. by Harrison Scott Key 01.25.08 at 9:51 am

Thank you for the thought. Very nice. The rhetoric of comparison, as helpful as it is to the workings and sortings of the human mind, can be a bit tyrannical. I appreciate the idea that I can give myself permission not to compare worship styles, or ways of dressing for church. Sometimes, it’s just nice to let things be.
2. by krm 01.25.08 at 3:38 pm

I am used to churches which have a worship style that might, with some legitimacy, be hit as epitomizing uptight, stoic Scandanavians. We simply are not, by nature or culture, very emotive or expresive. Yet I enjoy the animated and expressive style that one associates with black and other ethnic services (the “swing and sway” style, as my in-laws would call it).

If it is respectful and worshipful toward God, then it is OK. Exuberance is not disrespectful (per se) and it is perfectly fine even if it is not my own personal style.
3. by Peter Leavitt 01.25.08 at 5:59 pm

Thanks Andree. I’ve been thinking a lot lately of McCain and Romney and have not been able to kill either by comparison. Maybe it would be better to try to understand them and cautiously hazard a vote on election day.
4. by Karen O 01.25.08 at 7:00 pm

KRM - What you are about to read can be read as snarkily sarcastic. BUT it is actually written in a humorous vein, to make a little point.

Do those who are not very emotive or expressive, such as at your church, “get into” their favorite music (dancing or moving to the music), or cheer for their favorite sports teams? Or, being not very expressive or emotive, do they simply lightly tap their toes to music, or politely clap for their team (quietly, & while remaining in their seats)?
5. by Pauline 01.25.08 at 7:26 pm

Karen O,
I know you asked KRM, but I’m also not emotive or expressive, and I can tell you that it extends to all areas of life. I might tap a toe to music I enjoy, but that’s usually it. (Of course, as my favorite music is Baroque, it’s not the sort that lends itself to dancing.) When I’m singing (in church), I occasionally find myself moving slightly back and forth, but that’s about it.
I’m not a sports fan, so I don’t have any teams to cheer for. I do clap at concerts, politely or more enthusiasticly depending on how good the performance was (most concerts I attend are school concerts, so I’m clapping more for effort than quality in many cases). I can’t recall cheering for anything or anyone without being pushed to do so (such as when I was a camp counselor and it was my job to cheer on my team).

Our worship leader sometimes makes comments like “I can’t hear you” or “Do you really love God” to get people to sing/clap louder. I always feel slightly indignant at that. What does how loud I sing have to do with the sincerity of my praise? I suppose with some people it does, but I have to fight the temptation to sing/clap more quietly in response. But I try to focus on praising God and not let my annoyance at the worship leader get me thinking about myself or other people instead.
6. by Karen O 01.25.08 at 9:15 pm

Pauline - I understand that some people are like you, & they would be as quiet in one part of their lives as in the others. Even in my church, in which there is a fair amount of joyful/emotional expression in worship, there are the quieter ones, who we all know worship just as sincerely & lovingly as anyone else.

My question was sparked by a preacher who made the point that some people will say that it is weird or whatnot to be so expressive in a church, then they’ll go & yell their throats sore at a [pick a sport] game.

I didn’t want to stir up any trouble or bad feelings, but kind of somewhat humorously (which I don’t think came across too well) & lovingly make that point a little.

It would be natural for there to be some that don’t show much outward expression in their worship, but a whole church full? I think that comes down more to the custom of the church/denomination.
7. by Pauline 01.25.08 at 10:10 pm

Karen O,
In a church that was made up of people from all over, and who had few other choices of churches to attend in the area, I would agree. But there are a couple reasons why a church might actually have an unusual number of people like that. (I don’t know a think about KRM’s church, I’m just speculating in general.)

There are traits that are more true of some cultural/ethnic groups than others. Our pastor is of German background, and he occasionally talks about the traits that seem to go with it - pride, self-sufficiency, reserve. I don’t know how much of it is genetic and how much is learned behavior, but if there is a group of people of that background they are more likely to be that way than the general population. And in some areas, there are people of a certain background who have been there for generations, and have a church that their families have gone to for generations. (Probably more true here in the rural midwest than in CT.)

Another factor is that people who do have a choice of churches with different worship styles will pick the one that they are most comfortable with. If there’s only one in the area that seems to be sound doctrinally, you go there and adapt to how they do things. But if there are several good ones, each church is likely to have a lot of people who are most comfortable with that worship style. So it’s true that it’s the custom of that church, but because that custom attracts certain kinds of people, those people may also very well be naturally inclined to be that way.
8. by winsometochrist 01.26.08 at 8:57 am

Karen O. and Pauline, I agree with everything you both are saying in explaining the different worship styles. You are perfectly describing my church family.

Most of us are reserved and respectful when singing. Sometimes the worship team tries to get us to be a little more “active.” It usually leads the congregation with clapping during some of the songs, and most of the crowd starts out by clapping, but within just a little while, everyone has stopped clapping. I prefer not to clap, so I don’t even start.

However, in my heart, I am SOARING high and passionately “above the clouds” and my whole spirit is on fire with love and joy…..

I have characterized my church family in this way, when describing our worship services to potential visitors: I tell them most of the people in our church are HUMBLE. This is not to say that people who are more exuberant are NOT humble; I am only meaning to say that our church family is the kind that does not seek attention. We enjoy it somewhat when it is given, but we do not (for the most part) need or crave individualized attention.

Thank God for differences! How much richer will the harmony of our praises be, when in heaven we shall all with one accord give Him glory and honor, and our full attention!
9. by Karen O 01.26.08 at 12:06 pm

I think Pauline’s explanation kinda fleshes out what I had in mind. (Was up past my bedtime last night, so wasn’t thinking or writing as coherently as I’d like.)

Winsome - That’s the opposite of my church.
Sometimes a few start out clapping, then others join in.

Pauline - This is kinda funny. My pastor is also of German descent (as am I). He has told of his struggles with a deep stubborn streak. But he is a fairly passionate worshipper (aloud but not loud), & can get pretty fired up in his preaching. (Not in the stereotypical way, though.)
10. by fp 01.28.08 at 11:41 am

Andree,
I invite you to our VERY urban service to see maybe another difference. Not so much in style (although likely different than your home congregation), but different in who comes to this service.

I’ve heard psychologists, MSW’s & others in the fields of mental health, social work, etc. say to me that (in their world) there is no way for people who are so different to gather in one room without conflict. Yet here they all meet in Christ.

If you are interested, feel free to contact me.
fp