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My wife and I recently started having dinner at the table. Our daughter is a year and a half old and may soon be staying up later and joining us for dinner. It seemed like the right thing to do. According to this article, though, we could have stayed in front of the TV, as long as we were together.
Television viewing has long been linked with poor eating habits. So when University of Minnesota researchers embarked on a study of family meals, they fully expected that having the TV on at dinner would take a toll on children’s diets.
But to their surprise, it didn’t make much difference. Families who watched TV at dinner ate just about as healthfully as families who dined without it. The biggest factor wasn’t whether the TV was on or off, but whether the family was eating the meal together.
The easy, conventional answer is, Good families ought to eat at the dinner table, or at least feel guilty about not. Read this short piece and let us know your take.
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Less is more
Long ago and far away we made the radical decision our boys would not participate in sports so that we could eat dinner together as a family. Friends and relatives alike thought we were cruel and limiting our children’s options in the future. And when our nephew went to college on a soccer scholarship, we wondered if we made the right choice(he’s now a professional soccer player, so that probably was a good plan for him).
Along with that, we always turned off the television so we could concentrate on each other. Kids ate great, conversation occasionally was interesting and we were not distracted by “the world out there,” for fifteen minutes a day. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for a family to spend time together.
In the long run, what could be more interesting that a family you and your spouse created yourself?
TV is distracting. I don’t see it affecting the actual food as much as the conversation or lack of! How much do we actually concentrate and focus on one another with the TV blaring in our faces?
Here’s a problem:
Having the TV on during the meal, while not desirable, can also serve a purpose
Ooops - what happened to the rest of my post? We NEED preview. The rest of the post had to do with using the TV to attract “sullen teens” to the table. If you have to resort to bribery to get your children to eat a meal with you, you have a bigger problem than you want to think about.
Although my kids are older and mostly out of the house, we always made a big deal of eating dinner at the table every night when they were growing up. It’s a short window–as are all of the “windows” with children as they grow up and away–and it is worth the effort. And now, when the older ones show up for dinner with girlfriends and buddies, we still crowd around the table and eat and talk and laugh. They insist. It beats reruns of “Seinfeld” or the local news.
It’s nice that families can eat well either with or without tv. I think you are doing well to dispense with the tv, for the most part,while eating dinner as a family. My husband and I automatically ate dinner together at a table even when it was just the two of us. Our children automatically joined us as they grew. I have never regretted it. If the atmosphere is right (not a lot of bickering and criticism) families can find out a lot about each other at the dinner table. Things that happened during the hours apart can be shared and discussed. Too often members of families are sharing a house and not their hearts. There is no real conversation. The parents then wonder why the children have no interest in a real relationship with them as the children grow older. I would never want to waste dinner time on tv, except for rare exceptions.
I would suspect that this is somewhat of a generational thing. My generation did not have all the channels available today. We also did not all have a family room or somewhere that we didn’t have to be concerned about spilling drinks or food. Limited space and tv options had some blessing in it, I guess.
Everyone in my family loves to sit down to dinner. My kids are pretty funny and play off each other. I hope there is a study that says laughter aids digestion because we usually laugh until our stomachs hurt.
After a long day working it is nice around 3:00 to start dinner preparations. It’s relaxing. The kids are doing their homework. They like mom around. Dad gets home around 5:00. We sit down, relax, catch-up, debate current events and laugh long and well.
Well, if one is looking strictly at the health benefits of eating a “family meal”, then yes, it doesn’t matter whether the TV is on or off.
Personally, I think it’s a bad idea to have the TV on during the meal. Even if it’s just me and one other person I find it terribly distracting.
A good compromise would be to have one family meal a week in front of the TV with pizza or something. It still teaches kids that family meal is important, but not so important that you can’t do something different every once in awhile.
Why would you want to attract sullen teens to the table? If that is what brings them, turn it off! Rather than having sullen teens at all, how about having young adults who can come to the table and interact with the family in a positive way. Helping with meal prep and clean up, sharing their days and the days of other family members, laughing together, sharing concerns, being a family. Young adults are a joy to have around. Teens? I don’t think so. Move the tv to the back forty and enjoy life.
Whe living at home with my parents, we always ate dinner together every night starting at 5:57 PM sharp and you had 3 minutes to load up your plate in the kitchen. My Dad and Mom sat at the kitchen table and us 3 boys ate at the counterop across the room on the other side of stove. We could see each other just fine. At 6 PM Walter Conkite came on and after that no one, including Mom, could speak unless spoken to. Dad was the only one that faced the TV and rest of us sat with our backs to it. At the commercial break, my Dad would comment on the days news as presented by Walter if he felt like it. He loved Walter probably because my Grandfather’s first name and my Dad’s middle name was Walter.
Still, you couldn’t talk unless Dad asked you a question and these were usually directed at Mom unless us kids had been bad in some way. At the end of Conkite’s broadcast, dinner was immediately over and us 3 boys did the dishes on rotation. It was amazing how much food 3 boys and a Dad could eat in 30 minutes and Mom was the master of making mass quantities of quality home cooking. There was never a speck of any food ever left over - not ever. To this day I can’t belive how thin us boys were then.
Today when home, I insist that my wife and daughter sit at the kitchen table for dinner with me every night. One of three rules is that they can’t ask me about anything I don’t want to talk about or answer. I enjoy the llama spit my females are expert at thowing at each other during dinner and orgles are encouraged. The TV is off and no phone calls are allowed - the other two rules.
I always cook dinner, based on what they tell me they want and I clean up afterwards by myself since my wife doesn’t cook or clean much or well for that matter - but that is not why I married her. My daughter is not allowed to clean anything - no, not ever, at my wife’s insistance, since she didn’t have to when she was living in her parents house with her two sisters.
My daughter’s job is to make straight A’s in school, associate with the right kids, do as she is told by her parents, tell her parents everything and develop the good character attributes required for success. Not doing so immediately brings very harsh and unusual punishment which she now realizes she does not ever want to endure - again.
She will be a fine catch DR once she finishes her education, even though a few years younger than you and Jewish. Did I mention she will be evil rich and I am teaching her to cook too?
Given the trend for obesity in this country, I’d say it doesn’t matter whether the TV is on or off, people can still eat poorly.
Growing up, we ate on TV-trays in our family room several nights a week. It was a classic 70s family room - green shag carpeting, faux wood paneled walls, folding TV trays, the huge console TV. I remember one of my weekly chores was to rake the shag carpets in the house.
Dinner was always almost together as a family though, the four of us gathered around usually watching the end of some sports event (the late NFL games on a Sunday, or a Golf tournament). Or on Sunday nights it was often for Disney followed by one of those epic Sunday night movies like Ben Hur, 10 Commandments, Born Free, etc.
I remember those fondly, more so than our time at the kitchen or dining room table, where it was often a rush to finish food quickly so we could “be excused” and go do something else. As a kid, you feel that time at the dinner table is wasted time - think of all the other things you could be doing!
In my house now, we used to have a portable TV in the kitchen, but I removed it awhile back hoping to encourage more dialog. Not sure if that’s been successful or not. We still occasionally eat in the family room in front of the TV, but I lack a good set of TV trays, so we don’t do it that often. I will add a set of retro-style TV trays to my Christmas list this year.
@MIM - It seems the obesity trend is linked to TV watching.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/4238386.stm
“Long ago and far away we made the radical decision our boys would not participate in sports so that we could eat dinner together as a family. ”
Michelle,
I don’t understand this. Why is it impossible to have both? 10 years ago, I was actively participating in high school athletics and still managed to eat every dinner with my family.
With kids having two practices a week at opposite ends of the county during the dinner hour, it simply wasn’t practical for me to get them there, pick them up and have dinner ready. I told them if it was really important to them, I would make the effort, but if not . . . they didn’t pursue it. My husband was working 12 hour days for the Navy and couldn’t help with any of the driving.
We have only one child at home now and practice is from 5 to 7:30 five nights a week–except for the nights she has games at 6 pm. So, we eat together only on weekends. 10 and 15 years ago, perhaps, practices could be immediately after school. That’s not been true for my daughter in varsity volleyball.
I can’t imagine how people do it. My sister-in-law served dinner at nine o’clock every school night for years while our nephew climbed the elite soccer ladders. I’m headed for bed at that hour.
Michelle,
It is disappointing that you didn’t allow your boys to take part in sports. Nearly all sports are a seasonal thing (football, basketball, tennis, etc.). So sure, you’d have to sacrifice for a season. The benefits of participation are, in my opinion, worth the sacrifice.
Now, I know that some kids are involved in sports year-round and they’re never home for dinner. Parents run themselves ragged running them to practice and games. That’s ridiculous and taking it too far.
But to now even allow them to be in even one sport is too extreme the other way, in my humble opinion.
Especially, when a kid gets to high school, that’s a big part of the experience. A person can certainly have a good high school experience without participating in sports, but they should be given the opportunity. I hope your kids don’t resent you for never letting them have that opportunity.
I have good memories of family dinners when I was growing up, and my husband and I have made a point of sitting down together for dinner, whenever possible, throughout our marriage (15 years today
).
It’s harder now, with the unpredictable schedule of a medical resident and the need for a somewhat consistent meal time for the boys. But I almost always sit down with the kids and also sit at the table with my husband when he gets home and eats supper. If we’re sitting at the table, the older boys (5 and 2) will usually come hang out in the kitchen, even when they’ve already eaten, and we just enjoy the family time. No TV or radio during mealtimes, either; it’s too distracting for good conversations.
The three boys were in the band, are Eagle scouts and the front lawn in Washington was constantly chewed up from the neighborhood football games my husband played out there with them and the dozen other boys in the area. We’ve talked about it, and at the time I did offer to inconvenience myself if it was really important to them. They’re all in the twenties now and seem okay with the decision.
But part of our choice had to do with how many people were involved. It’s one thing for one kid to play a sport requiring long hours of practice and tons of driving, and it’s another to drag three other kids along who aren’t getting the same benefit. Perhaps I didn’t explain that well enough. For our family, we felt dinner together more important than all the trouble sports caused, not to mention problematic Sunday games.
I do think sports have a place in growing up, and a good one–especially in learning how to work as a team player. Now that we have only one child, we’re in the middle of it and able to do it because she’s an only! (We couldn’t have afforded the travel costs of six to attend tournaments where only one child participated). Practices after school obviously would have made it possible for my boys to participate, but that wasn’t offered for the sports they were interested in at any of the three places we lived.
It’s a tricky parental decision when you have multiple kids–see Adios’ response–and you have to weigh the needs of one against the needs of the entire family. So, I say turn off the TV and enjoy your dinner!
I have always insisted that we eat dinner together at the table. (It is less important to my husband, but he has always bowed to my wishes on this.) I have read many, many studies that claim that eating together is extremely important.
We have VERY weird and varied schedules due to Scouts, sports, dance and other activities, so — like Michelle’s sister — we often eat at 9:00 PM or even later. But, we eat together.
We usually have TV on too, but we discuss it, talk about it, and still talk about other things too. We’re trying to move into the habit of watching educational things during dinner so that we can have rousing discussions.
We really like the DVDs from *The Teaching Company.*
I agree with Llama on the no phone calls during dinner rule.
I don’t agree with Llama that the only job for the students in the home is to make straight A’s. I think anyone who lives in the house and eats there should have some chores.
I always told our kids if they don’t work, they don’t eat and they still managed to do their homework, make the honor roll and help with daily household chores. Our niece is a full-time commuting college freshman this year, has dance several times a week (preparing for The Nutcracker Ballet in December) and also has a part time job waitressing and still has her responsbilities here. She manages just fine. She also has her down/fun times!
For me personally, the dinner time at 9 or later every night is not doable - as someone else mentioned that’s too close to bedtime.
I don’t agree with Llama that the only job for the students in the home is to make straight A’s. I think anyone who lives in the house and eats there should have some chores.
******I don’t agree with Llama (or his wife) on this either. My kids all have chores, and they are all expected to help around the house. And, they are still expected to do well on their school work and other responsibilities.
There won’t be a “mommy” or “daddy” to take care of their future household. They will need to be able to do it. How else will they learn if not in their own homes as a youth?
With the first batch, they all were in sports and Scouts but they all had to use their feet or bikes to get to practice. Then they all four found swimming and chose it for their sport, worked for us as all practices and meets were at the same time for all. We had dinner together.
With the second batch, only eldest has a sport as yet, and that is over at six so we wait. Last night he (and dad and a sister, we conceded a ride as they are new) did not get home until 6:45 so we did not wait as that is nearly bedtime. We figured the others could eat together. He teased us mercilessly that we had not waited on dinner for him.
My family always had dinner in the dinning room, that’s the way I grew up. Mom almost always had flowers on the table and many times candles, table cloth, etc. We talked about the days events, my parents would talk about the news of the day, etc., it was a wonderful time of sharing -
From the day my husband and I married, which wasn’t all that long ago, we have dinner in the dining room, or outside in the garden if its warm, sometimes in the breakfast room, but ALWAYS with candles and special placemats. The only time we eat in front of the TV is,…. if there is a ‘breaking news story’ or something similar, and of COURSE a very IMPORTANT sports event ‘according to my husband’ LOL -
As a family we enjoy talking during dinner, it’s a wonderful time, I can’t imagine watching TV every night while eating -
As long as you watch the FOOD Network while the family is at dinner, what’s the harm?
My families don’t watch live tv, neither my wife nor I on our island, nor my daughter and her partner and our three-year-granddaughter in the middle-sized city.
Our family values may include atheism and unnatural relationships, but I bet my granddaughter will be reading before three-year-old. Of course, you don’t even want to know about the picture books and basic readers I am creating for her.
I know of a family that can’t do dinners together due to scheduling conflicts, so they sit down to breakfast together. Meals together should be a priority.
No TV during our meals. (No TV even within range of the table, actually.) We sit down together almost every night. One joke per person. Sometimes we play “high/low” where we tell about our day. Sometimes a parent poses a question for discussion. It is a great time for kid-to-kid advice. I love our family mealtime, and we have always done it, even in the childless years.
HSK, I am surprised at you. Turn off the TV.
There’s more to “is it good for your family?” than weight, food choices etc. when it comes to eating in front of the TV. One of the main reasons we like to eat dinner together is that it gives an opportunity to talk about the days events, etc. to connect and do something all together once a day. That and prayers at bedtime.
We started off having dinner together at the table, but the part about having conversations never worked very well. When our son had something to say, he would say it, and he usually had a lot to say. But at the table he was more interested in eating, and not being much of a conversationalist myself, I couldn’t figure out how these wonderful family conversations were to be brought about. I thought maybe as he got older we’d be able to have real family dinner conversations.
Well, about the time that might have happened, we have another child, and my father-in-law moved in, and my husband discovered a new TV show that he and our older son loved. So I ate with the baby, and the other guys watched Dragonball Z or football in the family room. Since it gave our older son time he really enjoyed with Dad and Grandpa I didn’t object.
Today family dinner is all but abandoned. Grandpa died a few years ago, Dad works night shift and usually is asleep at our dinnertime, and usually I’m struggling just to get something cooked/eaten before rushing off to Cub Scouts, getting my son to one of his rehearsals, etc.
Most of our conversations take place in the car, driving to church, school, the store, etc.
Spirit of the law vs. letter of the law.
The spirit is for a family to communicate with each other and maintain a good relationship.
It’s not really a “law”, a family not watching television at dinner is probably a good idea, but each family will find it’s own way to maintain that intent.
Random - I agree with you. We are a talkative family that doesn’t often eat at the dinner table. When we do, it is nice, but we seem to fit in plenty of conversations at other times.
When we do eat dinner & watch TV, it is something I’ve recorded (my husband needs to get to bed by 7 or 8), & we use the pause button quite a lot as each of us interjects our thoughts (about the show or other things).
I sometimes feel guilty about this, but I realize we are all close nonetheless, & do manage to find time to talk with each other.
Victoria - Your table sounds lovely. Ideally, that’s what I’d like to do, but my family wouldn’t appreciate it so much. I think my husband wouldn’t feel like he could just relax & “be himself”. Plus, I think it would be taken for granted if it were a usual thing.
However, I do like to do special things like that on an occasional basis, so that I can feel good about the loveliness of my table, & the family can feel a sense of specialness.